This blog is about the exhilarating, yet torturous journey away from methadone. Methadone is a drug that lulls a person into a false sense of security. This drug also lulls a person’s God given senses to life; those of smelling, tasting and even seeing. While methadone doesn’t prevent a person from visually seeing, it prevents a person from noticing the beauty of life.

I will give you an example:

I always walked around kicking mushrooms when I was on methadone. I didn’t know why- I just did it. I now know I wanted to destroy because I failed to notice its beauty. Everything is becoming beautiful to me again because everything around me is living and I sense it. Sensing is just something methadone will not have a person do.

One day along this detox path, I was outside and saw the sky turning grey. I knew it was about to rain, but never so much as when I noticed the smell of the rain blowing in with the wind. It became a powerful moment when I realized the rain, something I had not smelled in so long, smelled gorgeous. How could I have ever missed such a smell?

You will see, if you read this blog what a terrible thing methadone is. I had been on pain pills for years (before methadone), and while it is true, they were bad, they don’t have a thing on methadone. Methadone, above all other opiates, is a true evil in our society. I am coming out of this hole now, but it has been the worst experience of my life.

Even worse than the experience is the fact that I have had to do it virtually alone. The clinic has never given me a program for escape, never offered me a chance to speak to the physician that signs my prescription for methadone, and never facilitated a meeting with others who have been through this painful detox. They haven’t done these things because they do not want us off methadone.

I have written in my blog that methadone is the worst drug created by the worst in humans- the Nazis. There is nothing natural about it- it is a synthetic opiate. That means basically that it is completely man-made, and I believe made for one purpose;  holding people down and raping them of everything that the drug dealers (that sold us our drugs) before them left.

At times this blog has been my outlet because my brain has been so scattered throughout this process. However, until now, I didn’t really know what it was for. It is very clear now. This is a starting point for those that have already, and those that will regain purpose in life. I believe it is our purpose to expose this drug and these drug pushers (methadone clinics) for what they really are.

It took me nearly one full year to wade through all the pro methadone bullshit strategically placed all over the internet by these drug pushers. And until now, I didn’t realize why it has been so hard for me to contact someone that has been where I am. Although it is true, there are not many (that have detoxed), that is not the reason. I believe that the reason is because the methadone clinics do not want us making contact.

The methadone clinics know of the evil they push and they know how easy it will be for them to be exposed if we band together. That is why, I believe it is our duty as Generation X to expose and rid this country of this abomination. It didn’t start with us, but we need to be the ones to finish it. Please help me do this as I know that I cannot do it alone.

18 responses to “About

  1. Wow. We are on the same page entirely, maybe I have been conveying my thoughts too ambiguously. I often use the phrase “liquid handcuffs” when speaking about methadone. It will be nice to have someone who knows what I’m talking about, and that has been there, too.


    • You are right indeed, it will be nice to have someone that knows this pain. It is a terrible place, those clinics are. I’m getting more and more angry as the days pass. It is so obvious what their true intentions are-it’s sickening really. Short term detox, I have no problem with and actually worked great the first time I did it. I just had no real foundation with witch to build a sober life-with a white picket fence-and a small white dog. 🙂 Thx for stopping by. I’m sure we will be great friends!

      • I’m on my 3rd methadone detox, the first one was forced on me too early by my clinic, and the second was voluntary, but didn’t have the support or will, really, to keep it up.
        This last detox is by choice, my counselor drops the dose however much I request, which is good and bad. I sometimes feel I need someone to tell me that regardless how long a detox takes, it is a detox, and eventually, I’ll be off this shit!
        Have a nice day, hopefully you’re not feeling too badly today. It was a rough morning, but the methadone has started to kick in. : )

  2. Yeah, I decided to go ahead with another 5mg drop this week. I felt much better than expected this week and honestly- I’m just over it. I know what you mean too, it would be wonderful if the counselors nudged you in the abstinance direction. I mean, it’s not as if it would start an avalanche of people wanting to detox, and even if it did…would that be a bad thing? They’re still going to have a gob of people that will never desire a detox. No matter how you look at it, it’s wrong. I wish you all the luck in the world with this beast of a drug. You do know we deserve better than they (clinic) give right? 🙂

  3. Hi,

    I just stumbled across your blog. Really , really well done on what you’re doing. It sounds like you’re doing extremely well, and I can’t imagine how hard it must get. Keep it up.


    Sheffield, UK

    • Thanx James, really means a lot. Honestly man, there’s so much joy coming out of the dark, I really find very little time to be in pain. It hurts at times no doubt, but overall, not nearly to the extent that I’d imagined.
      Take care!

  4. Very cool blog and I’m really glad I found it! I’m on Suboxone but relate to everything you say. I think you have a lot of courage and I hope I can get there too. Thank you for what you’re doing..I really needed to read this tonight.

    • Thx J, truly. I am so happy to be able to put this out there. I was astonished and then a little scared when I started looking into blogging, and could find virtually nothing about anyone getting off methadone/opiates. I knew then that if I could do it, it would be a big positive for us. We are all dog-paddling in the same big pond, and hopefully this can be a “life preserver” to whoever wants it. Thanx for checking it out.

  5. Thank you for stopping by my blog and posting. I fell from a great height in the ministry and started healing when I got online and started being transparent about my struggles. It helped a lot of people. You’re doing a great work here. I loved reading your posts. You have a great heart and are doing a great thing for a lot of people, not just yourself. Thanks for what you are doing here, friend.

    • Thanks so much for the compliments pastor. I do not know yet if I deserve them, but thanks all the same. I too enjoyed your blog, and really cannot imagine what you must have felt like. Being transparent is never easy, but it’s benefits are indescribable. Wish you all the best and I will be following your future posts.

  6. Hello, My father, who is and always will be a tea-totaler turned me onto your blog. I am almost done with a taper, down to 8mg from 134mg. I have done it very slowly, but there is no way to escape the symptons of which you so eloquently speak. My biggest issue has been sleep, since 40mg, I have considered a good nights sleep 2-3hrs. But whatever once or twice a month I shut down and can sleep through the Metal Band practicing in the room next to mine. I agree with almost all except the pure evil of MMT. It often serves as a gateway to freedom from narcotics and does save lives. If only the stated goal was a two-year detox, rather than an infinite crutch. This world is not perfect, but spreading the reality that one can get off the shit is awesome. Thanks

    • I actually agree with you on that last part. I know I came off as anti-methadone, but I think I felt like that because of the shitty way my clinic handled my detox; or didn’t handle it. That said, because methadone is so hard to detox from, I feel it should be used possibly long term in the most extreme cases, but like you said (2 yr detox) with others. Trust me, I absolutely believe some people are better off on methadone. I just wasn’t one of them. About your sleep. I stopped methadone at 12.5mgs. I had sleep issues before that, but when I stopped it was terrible. I tried all the over-the-counter meds and nothing worked. I had a friend that smoked marijuana and asked him for some. That was by far the best thing I tried. A couple things about this- First, I was completely honest with my wife about why I was doing it, and only used it at bedtime. Once I started sleeping ok (after about 3 months), I quit. Second, only you know you. If you think this is something that will cause you to relapse on methadone, DON’T DO IT. If you do decide to try it and you find yourself smoking at any other time than bedtime-quit. One last thing I forgot to mention: I remember the harder I pushed myself physically during the day, the more likely I would sleep better at night. It ain’t an easy road, but when you get through it, you’ll know you are one of the strongest there is. Good luck!

  7. Thank you so much for this blog. I have only read a few entries I cannot wait to read more. You have a way with words and your story gives me so much hope. I have nobody to talk to about coming off methadone and I’m right in the middle of my struggle with it. I started coming off slowly, 5 mg per month or two, then left the clinic for good a few days ago. I decided to focus on a career and school and need to be off methadone to better my life in every way. I saved up about (15) 40mg wafers from take-homes I got for a long time and decided I was through paying $500 a month to the clinic. I went on IW because I couldn’t bare to give another hard earned dime to that place. I was at 40 mg when they began taking me down 10mg every 5 days. If I felt bad w/d’s I’d take a piece of a wafer to be able to work without everyone around me noticing something was wrong. I work with family in a large medical facility so I can’t be too careful, especially since only a few people in my life know about my addiction. I am down to 20 mg now and my done stash is running out. I’m over the psychological addiction I just can’t beat this physical addiciton like I want to. I’m finding it very hard to go lower on my dose and I recently learned it’s because every mg I reduce is a much larger % of my dose. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I run out because I can’t miss work and I can’t tell anyone what is wrong. I hate the thought but I’m almost considering subutex for a couple of weeks to help me through. I’d give anything to never have to take an opitate again! Oh, and I was recently diagnosed with ADD and cannot take my meds cause they make me w/d like crazy. I know people with think I should not take another controlled substance anyway but if I had been on this med all along I prob never would have gotten on pain pills. I believe I was trying to “fix” my problems with pain meds instead of the correct medicine. I was able to take my ADD med before I left the clinic and I made positive changes in my life and cannot wait to see what I do when I can take them again. Anyway, I will quit rambling on about my story. Hopefully someone will read this and give me some helpful feedback. If not, at least I was able to get this out of my head for a few.

    • 10 mgs every five days is insanely fast. What is IW? Is there any way you could get them to let you slow down a bit? I went down 5 mgs every 2 weeks and that was bad enough. When I got to 20mgs, I switched to 2.5mgs decrease every 2 weeks. Start taking vitamins if you can. I took the 3 in 1 calcium, magnesium, zinc pills and doubled the recommended dosage. I also took vitamin c and a one-a-day vitamin. It paid off big time. As for subutex, the clinic I was going to tried to talk me into that, but I wasn’t having it. However, if they won’t let you slow down decreasing, you may want to look at it. If I can answer anything else lmk, and I’ll do my best. my email is purplerain@ismelltherain.me. Thanks so much for you’re kind words. Wish you the very best of luck!

  8. Hi there! I found your blog through your YouTube channel (I found that today and watched every video); and I just wanted to thank you for sharing your journey with everyone. I am on a methadone taper, and it’s been hard to find any information about successful tapering or anything like that, and I’ve dug deep. I’m on 8mg now from a 100mg dose. I work full time, and 8mg has been the hardest dose for me. I’ve had to hold my dose at this point, because I’ve been so fucking miserable. Also I gained A TON of weight on this garbage. I am still in my 20s but I feel old and frail and like a zombie. Sorry to ramble and be all over the place. Thanks again for sharing your journey, it’s very inspirational!

    • Thank you very much. Man, what I wouldn’t give to have been able to get off opiates in my 20s. Awesome that you realize what it’s doing to you this early. Keep at it cause ur almost there. Start taking those vitamins now if you aren’t already. Oh and as long as you’re honest with yourself about why you’re sticking, there’s no problem in that. Listen to your body…it don’t lie. Good luck!!

  9. Nobody forced you to go on methadone. Life is what you make it. I take methadone and I love the Earth, its people and its beauty. Methadone gives the former addict a normal amount of endorphins to function just the same as the rest if the world. A true life saver. The problem is these people who drop out of the clinic get major depression and loopy hallucinations and start talking shit about clinics to feel better. I bet if you got your oxys in liquid form from a clinic you would blame them for your withdrawals and accuse them of having “evil” intentions, right. Get back on your dose and get a life trust me you’ll be doing yourself a favor. Peace.

    • Thanks for the advice Corey. So, I should give up the new home my wife and I just purchased and go back to living in a tiny house with three kids? I should also give up the truck and minivan we have now and go back to a single vehicle, having my wife pick me up from work every day? And all this will be for what? To battle the depression and loopy hallucinations that I don’t have. I am close to 3 years opiate free and living a COMPLETE life sir. Additionally, don’t ever tell me what is or isn’t evil in MY life and I won’t tell u what is evil in yours.

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