I’ve been thinking the past few days about how awful living was a year ago. I was addicted to sweets as much as methadone. I was also addicted to unfeeling and unhappiness. No matter what I did, it was not going to abate- not while I was on methadone. I would’ve never admitted it though. It’s amazing how proud I could be while nurturing a self esteem so low.
Many times ex-addicts say he/she couldn’t look in the mirror, but unless you have personal experience, it’s probably a cliche’. There were of course times when mirrors couldn’t be avoided, but even then I made no eye contact with self. This was so unlike me. Maybe I’m a little vain, but if there was one thing I always fell back on, it was my reflection. Methadone stripped it from me while I wasn’t looking.
The good news for me- I’m making eye contact again, and there are a few things I notice. Foremost, I love what I see. I am older, but there’s no grey yet. Actually that’s not completely true, but you’d have to get really close to see ’em. My skin is smooth with color again. My neck is strong and holding my head high. Surprisingly, I noticed my green eyes have turned blue. Maybe this is a common thing, but I don’t know how I feel about it. I liked my green eyes dammit. Can’t have it all I guess.