Need for Clarity

Several people, after my “ismelltherain” post on Thursday weren’t clear on what I did so I wanted to clarify. I am going to go day by day and explain exactly how I did, what I did. When I wrote the post on Thursday I was exhausted from 2 days w/out methadone so that probably added to the confusion.

Wednesday morning I woke up with the feeling my body was telling me it was time to quit methadone altogether. I had one bottle left from my weekly doses so I refrained from taking it. I was very nervous, but felt it was the right decision.

I went to work and pushed myself physically all day. I made up eight bottles of Zephyr Hills water with a (restaurant) packet of salt mixed in each. I set out weed eating all day. My boss knew what I was doing so he let me work however I wanted. My day went: drink, work, drink, sweat, drink, pee, drink, work, drink, sweat, drink, pee…

Wednesday evening I was exhausted. Although I took it very easy, I only slept 2 hours that night. I woke for good at 2:30am and watched tv until 6:00am. I had been telling myself that I was going to call in to work all night. However, when time came, my body again said “get up and get to work”.

I rode a bicycle to work. I again made waters, but instead of weed eating, I pressure washed most of the day. By 3:30pm I was waxed and my boss told me to go home. I obliged and rode the bike home. I can now say I never missed a day of work due to methadone detox.

When I got home I was extremely exhausted. I was also exhilarated because I knew I felt better Thursday afternoon then I did that morning. I sat down and wrote “ismelltherain”. Once I was done, I went to bed and didn’t sleep a bit all night. I now know what restless leg syndrome feels like.

Friday we went to Jeckyl Island for the weekend. I did take my remaining methadone bottle with us, but never had to use it. I was able to get 6 hrs sleep both Friday and Saturday night. As a result, I am feeling much better today, but not yet normal.

I will finish out my detox blog later.

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4 responses to “Need for Clarity

  1. easytiger2007

    I’ve only just found your blog and have spent most of this evening avidly reading through it. Won’t finish before bed, but now, at least, I’ll have something to look forward to come morning.

    I like to consider myself and my husband two of the very few addicts whom successfully completed Methadone Maintenance Treatment, and completed so successfully, that we even managed to do this twice! Seriously, we spent about 25 months on methadone beginning our initial treatment towards the end of 1999. Our first experience with MMT was considerably easier and substantially shorter than our most recent one which ended up taking us near six years – two months shy of this anniversary – to successfully taper off of it. Right now we have been clean of methadone and any other opiates slightly longer than seven months. We remained opiate and methadone free for approx 3 years after completion of our first MMT attempt.

    Pretty much from the very start, and definitely more and more frequently now, I have had a bit of a love-hate relationship with methadone. To say the gild has come off the lily would be an understatement of epic proportions. A decade and a half ago, methadone and MMT felt like our salvation. It definitely felt like it was delivering all that it promised. MMT had helped return our lives back to us.

    It allowed us to focus on rebuilding as well as retuning much needed routine back into our daily lives. Gone were the hours upon hours dedicated to finding that one hit that would take away the pain. I could go back to work full time, we both could. Methadone gave our life much needed structure once again. My credit card debts were now paid off. We had sold the other two houses and purchased a three story apartment building. Our self confidence and esteem had returned. We didn’t want or need methadone any more and when we found that it was time to say goodbye, we were strong enough to do this without hesitation.

    I had two weeks vacation during Christmas 2001 but as luck would have it, about a week before my vacation was due to start, I got a terrible flu. At this point, I was down to about 20mg of methadone a day. With this flu, I felt so very sick and ended up having zero energy that I just didn’t feel like grabbing my methadone one day and the next and the day after that. I just stopped going and when my flu ended, any withdrawal that I may have been going thru had also ended. It was hard to tell one from the other so I kept telling myself that there was no withdrawal just crappy flu symptoms.

    Both of our tapers turned out to be successes. By the time that we had stopped taking methadone on a regular basis, our bodies had repaired themselves as best that they could. After two and a half years, we were also able to beat the mental cravings as our bodies had essentially trained themselves. So, now both the physical and mental cravings seemed to have been put to rest. I knew that when I woke up each morning that the first thing in my mind would not have anything to do with opiates.

    Since then, so much has changed. Our second experience with MMT couldn’t have been further away from the first. I’m sure that extra decade and a half that we’ve aged since we first started hasn’t helped either but, it was also much more than this.

    I apologize for being anything but brief in my response to your post, never mind that I now have run out of time so won’t even be able to finish what I started, as well stopping midway through our story. If you’re still interested then I shall be back.

    peace, love and happiness…

    Had great difficulty getting this post to be accepted under my proper username and associated web site so in the interest of expediency et al I’ve had to comment via my WordPress credentials and site which has not be updated recently. For current info, please go to Methadone Pretty

  2. I have to say my stance on methadone the drug has softened since I started this blog. It’s because of stories like yours and your son. I read about your son in your blog, and I am happy if he is in a better place because of methadone. Only the person can tell what is best for them, and I will never begrudge someone for making their own decision.

    For me, there came a time when I could feel methadone sucking my life away. Slowly sure, but killing me all the same. I hurt in places that scared me. Now that I’m off (14 days) I’m hurting, but not in the same places. I’ve been terribly drained since the worst of the physical symptoms, but I recieved a God-send in advice yesterday that has begun to help tremendously- a calcium, zinc, magnesium 3 in 1 vitamin. I already feel a great deal better

    I must also say my resolve on these big clinics has hardened. I have heard some great clinic stats from the ones there to actually treat addiction. The clinic I went to- not so much. How can 12-15 counselors who do drug UA’s, dole out punishement (take doses), control dose level ( in the beginning) ever be trusted by the 1600 patients at the clinic I went to? They cannot, and those idiots know that. It hurts nobody but the patients and their stats of nobody ever getting off shows it.

  3. easytiger2007

    It is actually my husband, not son as I don’t have one, and myself that were on methadone together. We also finished last November at the same time although I ended up starting this round of MMT about six months before he finally followed me.

    The clinic that we went to was similar to the one you describe above. At last count they were coming close to 1300 patients – vs the only 500 patients they had when I first started six and a half years ago – and this was becoming increasingly apparent in the quality of care offered. We were extremely lucky that we had been assigned one of their better doctors but he was an exception rather than a rule. We attended the 7 to 8:20am Friday clinic because we were one of the few of their patients that worked and this was their only early morning clinic.Also, this clinic had a maximum number of only 24 spots available to patients and these slots were always filled – there was a waiting list in fact.

    On top of all of this, the city that we live in decided to implement an interim control bylaw that has put a freeze on new clinics or dispensaries opening for this past year and a half which has resulted in this clinic having to expand beyond a reasonable capacity. Combined with this, the province placed a ban on prescribing Oxycontin forcing it to be replaced with OxyNeo which is difficult to tamper with but which has caused a backlash of addicts looking for alternatives with methadone being one.

    peace, love and happiness…

    • Ahhh, I’m so sorry. Had you mixed up with someone else over on the other blog. Gimme your blog address again when you have time. I’ll follow once I know which it is. You emailed me right (sickgirl)? Anyway, really glad to know you guys got off methadone. Wish I could’ve talked to you sooner, but maybe it was best I didn’t know wtf. 🙂

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