I’ve thought many times about this post. At one time I thought I wouldn’t post now, and just wait, but waiting isn’t in my vocabulary at the moment. I quit methadone at 12.5mgs on Wed. It has now been 2.5 days since I’ve had any medicine whatsoever. I have very little energy, but the thing that is driving me now, is the same thing I cursed earlier in this blog.

When I started writing this blog, I thought I had everything figured out. I was on the right path, but a few people were placed with me and each knows who they are. They are the ones I have communicated with through this detox. I call them my friends and each gave me a piece of what I needed to get here. Thank you!

The piece of advice I was given that meant the most was “listen to your body”. Mine told me methadone was killing me. If methadone tells you, it’s the better option- only you know you. However, if you find like I did, I left you a road map to a way out. Just look here and you will know that you are not alone.

Addiction gene or not, God gave each and every one of us the ability to walk away from addiction. I do not believe we were meant to say we were powerless, because that is not the truth. The truth is we are damn powerful when we realize it. Nobody will ever tell me different. This post I want to be for Ivy- my friend.

To Ivy: You just be you girl, and don’t apologize to any sum bitch for you. You’re beautiful, and all I’ve seen is your heart.

Aashton Hodge


9 responses to “ismelltherain

  1. Keep it up!! your an inspiration

  2. I used to like your blog, but your pseudo intellectual posts have really pissed me off lately. You know it all, right? Here’s what I know: you will relapse in 7-15 days, go running back to methadone at a much higher dose and then blog about how you almost made it and now you really know the steps to take to finally beat it etc., etc.,…repeat, ad nauseum

    • Well, can’t please everyone I guess. Though I do find it strange you would choose this post to vent your feelings on. If I didn’t know any better, you sound like you’re pissed I’m off methadone. That to me, speaks volumes. Peace

  3. So glad you got through that barrier of 20mg a lot of people seem to hit!! It’s tough, but realizing that we have physical limits is one of the keys to living and surviving.
    It’s different to have someone in my life who can’t completely understand my past, but I am supported entirely, and he carries me through days–hell, weeks even–that would have been difficult and nearly impossible alone. Even though not everyone gets it, some people are just naturally more accepting, and hey, he’s even nice, wouldn’t ya know?? : ) lol
    Then again, I have you and my two closest friends–both gay, one male, one female; how San Francisco is that for you??–to spill my acidic guts out to, ugh, that was descriptive!!
    Anyway, I am having a feel-good afternoon, sending positive vibes your way!! You will make it, you’re almost there!! Can you see it?? It’s the finish line on the horizon!


  4. I still don’t see where it says you’re off this shit, or is it where you say you weren’t going to drink the liquid, (I thought it was a decrease.) I am so proud of you!!! Congratulations, it’s not the end, but a whole new beginning!!
    You’re strong, and you are going to have one great life!! Don’t forget anything you learned along the way, you’re going to be just fine.

    ❤ Ivy

    • Ahhh, maybe I need to rewrite it. Yeah though, last Wed a.m, I jumped off at 12.5mgs. Haven’t had methadone since. Very tuff 1st 2 days, but still worked. Went away for weekend and feel better now.
      Thx Ivy

  5. I walked outside last night and thought to myself, “wow, I can smell the rain.” I get it now. I didn’t see, hear, or feel it before I smelled it, and it was amazing.
    Immediately after the thought, I thought of you, and had to tell you, I smell the rain, too!!


    • So sorry I haven’t been back to respond in a while, but I have been feeling really drained. So very happy to hear of your smelling the rain girl! Keep fighting the fight. I’m not too far ahead of you so I’ll leave the light on for ya! 🙂

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