I am officially at 15mgs/day and I’m not feeling swell.

My guts feel like they’re turned inside out and I wish I could flush them down the toilet.

I’ve done so much writing today my head feels like it might explode in 5 minutes.

I’m busy doubting everything I know I have to do, and it sucks bad.

Anybody that shows me compassion I appreciate, but I can’t tell you that now.

I wish I had never taken a pill in my life, but I wanted to stop today from being so fucking yesterday.

Methadone has the absolute worst hooks of all pain killers.

When I dig hooks it hurts until I understand why it hurts.

I’m going to get up tomorrow and start writing this thing of mine right.

2 responses to “Uggghhhh!

  1. Its crazy how bad its affecting you. You would think by now that the pain would of stopped. What a bitch to go through. I guess now you know why you couldnt find anyone to talk to that had gotten off methadone. No wonder theres no one to get advise from. Methadone is a killer!!!

    • Every time I decrease I go through at least some amount of withdrawal. It gets harder (more intense) the lower the dose I’m on because as the doctor said, the lower the dose I’m on, the bigger the percentage 5mgs is taking away. I never expected it would be easy. Honestly though, the symptoms overall have been much less painful than I’d expected. It’s usually only bad for a day or two after. I feel better today, and actually kayaked down the St. Johns. Even saw a gator.

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