I want to say first how exceptional I feel today. It was a little less than a week ago that I sat in the very spot I am sitting now, and crumbled. All the pain, sorrow, loss and regret visited me when I was alone. I’m alone now, and no, I’m not clean, but I’m cleaner than I was two weeks ago. I woke up on Sunday, and desired the beach.
Do you have any idea how long it has been since I wanted, needed that white sand between my toes? I’ll tell you- it’s been many years. That salt air hit my nostrils, and I knew heaven on earth. I played with my kids , played in the waves like I was a kid, and it felt. I went under the water to let the waves churn me then spit me back out again. I was conscious and thankful for every second me, my wife, and kids had there together.
On the way home the kids slept a deep sleep that only play at the beach brings. Me and my wife actually talked about the future, and all the opportunities now opening. All this only possible because I pulled from within, a desire for a life free from a black hole- a black hole that consumes so much, yet gives so empty. Good God I hope every single person that reads this finds theirs. I don’t care what the vice, just dig deep because we all have it- I truly believe that. You have to find it, and feed it full every day.
I’m burnt badly today and it hurts- can you understand why this brings me unbelievable joy?