Rigs and Methadone Clinics

I’m very pissed off this morning. I guess I should say “was” very pissed off this morning. I went to the methadone clinic to get my take-outs, and as you may or may not know, it is the week I’m supposed to go from 25mgs/day to 20mgs. As it turned out, that wasn’t to be this morning. When I stepped to the window, and said I wanted to decrease to 20mgs, the nurse informed me that it wasn’t going to be possible. Immediately, my blood began to boil as he (nurse) tried explaining that there was a new doctor, and they could no longer do anything (increase or decrease) without the doctor’s written authorization. Boy did I give that nurse an ear full.

First I told him that I thought that was a bunch of bullshit! I told him that I had been decreasing every 2 weeks for months now, and someone damn well should have called me to let me know about this new change. If they had, I’d have told them to go ahead and put the order through to have it ready when I picked up this morning.  To his credit, the nurse was very apologetic, and agreed with everything I was saying. I knew it wasn’t his fault, and I did tell him that. After I left the nurse’s station, I saw the clinic director’s door was open so I used the opportunity let him know too, just how unhappy I was.

The first thing I said was that I thought it was really shitty of that clinic, that is supposedly there to help us, to “interrupt” my decreasing in that way. I explained that this was probably the most important moment in my life, and for them to have a change like that, and not inform me, really showed what they were about.

He then tried excusing the circumstances by pointing out that the clinic serves about 1600 (I thought 2000), and that it would be impossible for them to call everyone to let them know of the change. However, I blew that shit up by asking him just how many of that 1600 were decreasing. After that, he was stumped because he knew that I was correct. They absolutely should have had the decency to call me and let me know of this change, and he knew it. If I was a person teetering on the edge, this kind of thing may have been just the kind of thing to stop my decreasing; instead, it actually had the opposite effect. If anything, this experienced served more in re-galvanizing my will to get up out of there than it anything else.

There was much more that I said to the director, but know this: White hot fire was coming from my mouth, and I wasn’t on 160mgs of methadone to tie my tongue. My words came out clear, concise, and there was nothing anyone at that clinic could say that would make the situation right. It’s a good thing that the director backed down too because this comes down to me getting my life back, and nothing is getting in my way. My rig is big right now, and I’m going to run you the fuck over if you are standing in my way.

The last thing he said to me as I walked out his door was to come see him again when I was at 0mgs. I felt nothing for him as I turned around and said, “you’ll see me again”. My heart tells me this is true, but not in the way he wants to see me. The next time he sees me, I may just have his neck in a dog collar instead of the other way around. What comes around huh? Maybe not, but I do feel there is a story about these places that needs to be told; no matter how comfortable I am in accepting consequences of my own actions.

About my dose: I ended up dosing, but didn’t use water to wash the bottom of the bottle out. Hopefully that was around 5mgs, but I really can’t be sure. I also only took three take-outs so I will be going back on Tues. to get the correct dose amount. I was going to do change my pick-up day anyway because we (the family) are going to be doing some vacationing next month and pick-ups on Friday won’t be possible. What I will do until Tuesday is just use the baby syringe to withdraw 5mgs/day. Fuck ’em!


7 responses to “Rigs and Methadone Clinics

  1. That pisses me off!! What a bunch of bullshit!! The really fucked up thing is they think we won’t say anything; do they really not view us as people??
    Damn! Fuck them, you’ve been detoxing yourself just fine, might as well keep it up!!
    Feel better, it isn’t your fault so don’t let it upset you!!

    Iron fists and big rigs!! : )

  2. It seems that your at war in your mind with this place and if that helps you to further your resolve then great;however, it takes alot of our energy to harbor ill feelings towards anyone or anything. Learning to let go and live free is essential to anyones sobriety. When we forgive or accept situations it takes a load off our plate. This in no way is implying that we should be passive. Its imperative that we stand up for ourselves and make our boundaries clearly defined. I know your not big on God so you should try some other techniques for achieving a peaceful state of mind and body. I burn candles alot and when im stressed will just turn off the lights and lay there and be as still as i can listening to my breath until im very relaxed. You might ask your wife to watch the kids because you need a half hour of relax time..sneak away to the bedroom and enjoy.

    • You should read some of my two “epiphany” posts because that’s actually where I’m at with them. However, I am human and when I viewed them as standing in the way of my getting out of there, Friday was the net result.

  3. Glad you were able to speak clearly and asked about how many of the 1600 patients are actually decreasing – priceless question. Pure profit is what they are modivated by….not helping us and the thousands of others….Anyway, glad you handled things well and just moved on. Potery in motion….

  4. Wow..Was he being sarcastic when he told you to come see him again when you were at 0 mgs?

    • Lol, No, actually he acted as if we could go have a beer. Maybe we could share a few shit’s and giggle’s over the wasting of lives. What a douche bag! Maybe I did in retrospect overreact, but no matter the lessons I’ve learned, I can’t help be a little bitter with them. To be honest, my bitterness mostly has to do with their counselors. I have tried really hard to write something about em to explain how bad they are, but I just don’t want to waste the energy (or take my eye off the ball). I would have much more respect for the clinic if they would just be honest about what they are, but that ain’t happenin. Only thing I can do is get up outta thar 🙂

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