How I’m feelin’-22.5

Want to know how I’m feeling on 22.5mgs? Sit down and I’ll tell you. It’s quite a thing.

I look people in their eyes again-when I’m speaking or walking past. When I talk, people are listening.

People are looking at me again-something is different, but they don’t know what. They’ve told me how good I look. I know. I’m exuding man again, and I can feel others feeling it. Not conceit-truth is coming off these pages.

I’m taking back my life that’s mine, and holding on with everything. I’m passionate about living again because life is a gift. And that is a gift horse I never want to look in the face again.

I’ve never been a person that digs weather talking, or idle conversation. I talk about the weather now because I work outside, and it interests me. When I speak people are listening because it’s passion.

I’m about to whip a mean mother fucker, and I won’t be held back-at anything! I’m pinning this methadone fucker to the ground, and I’m not even using two hands yet.

My green eyes are on bright, and I don’t wear sunglasses  anymore. I take’em off because I want the sun in my eyes, shit. I’ve spent too many years behind doors when my soul is open.

I might even move the bed to the back yard so I can sleep in the open air. On second thought probably not-my wife doesn’t like bugs.

I’ll just stay inside at night and finally sleep good until morning. Mornings are where it’s at because mornings are fresh and new, and fresh is pouring over me now.

Want what I got now? Come get some!

ismelltherain

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14 responses to “How I’m feelin’-22.5

  1. Right on!! I am at 55mg as of yesterday, and cannot wait until I’m at 22!! (Don’t think they do .5mg at my clinic, never heard of it before this.)
    A friend texted me this morning saying she knows sometimes all you need is a word of encouragement, and it is so true! This is inspiration to me, and I hope my mighty methadone detox helps others, too.
    Keep on rockin! : ))

    • I hear yall! Thx so much for the comments.You are right that sometimes people just need to hear it. Before I started this blog, I was scared to death when yours (Ivy) was one of the only blogs saying anything about detoxing. I mean there’s 2000 patients at my clinic alone. Where are all the people that have detoxed? I mean there has to be some right? You can find blogs on crystal meth addicts, crack addicts, alcoholics, but so few on methadone. And I didn’t find one where someone was methadone free. I aint gonna lie, it scared me for a time, but I got a grip and knew what I was going to do. Btw, I’m really surprised your clinic won’t do 5’s. Or am I misunderstanding and what your telling me is that they make u go slower? If that’s the case, I call bs on them telling you that. You should be allowed to go down however much you want period. Anyway, keep holdin it down on the west coast girly.

      • My clinic does any dose, just not in halves. I like that, wish it were that way over here!! I can go however quickly I’d like, I pretty much made my own detox calender. My clinic is pretty flexible, that’s why I’ve been there over 3 years. : \
        I’m holdin’ on, you hang on over there and one day we can compare notes to the world of our recoveries!!

      • Oh, I see what your saying. Well, I probably should have posted this in the main part of my blog, but for now it’s just in the “detox symptoms log” (and here). I was decreasing by 5mgs every 2 weeks. When I decreased to 25mgs, I stayed on that for actually 8 days because I only get a weeks worth of takeouts at a time. So I had to dose at window (at clinic) last Fri. On Sat. I got a baby syringe and pulled out 2.5mgs and flushed it. Actually on the 1st morning, I pulled out 5mgs because I misread the syringe, but you get what I’m saying. Now that I’m in the 20’s, 5mgs is a lot to lop off all at once. At least this way it’s more like I’m going down 2.5 every week. I have felt much better this way. I just was going to do it and not say anything, but then I thought my goal is to tell it all here so that’s what I did.
        Let me ask u this: did you ever get the horrible cravings for sweets? Some people it seems get that worse than others and I was just wondering.

      • And duh, the main reply:
        I love that idea!! I have access to pills and can cut them, but can only increase my dose. haha
        I have many clean UAs, I think 2 dirties in the last 6 months, and once was recreational meth use, (which I HATE, and was seeing a guy who used—cut that off!!!) And the other time I was with my old best friend buying pills and was offered coke(rock) and one blast put me on the charts. I took it and looked at my dealer(who was smoking the same shit and getting high) and almost said, “is this real?” It just didn’t do anything for me, really strange. I would have never asked for or bought that hit, but I just couldn’t say no to a free one at the time…
        (Feel free to delete this thread if needed!)
        But anyway, I am at 55mg as of Monday as you know, and am going down 5 this Monday, and 5 next Monday. I can’t wait to be at 45mg, double your dose and already feeling human, can’t wait to be where you are.
        Today my horoscope reads:

        Horoscopes

        Options.

        ..

        May 10, 2012

        Aries (3/21-4/19)

        This is a day when you will feel a strong drive for successes — but this drive might be triggered more by jealousy than by a genuine desire to attain a certain goal. The heights that someone else has climbed look easy to attain, and you think you can give it a try. But keeping up with Joneses is not all it’s cracked up to be, so do not sacrifice important things just for the sake of following someone else’s path. You have your own route to take, so don’t go for emulation.”

        Totally a good thing if the cosmos can sense our communication!! : )

      • Ahh man, great horoscope! I would delete if not for that. So true about your own path for sure. I say get inspiration from what you can, but ultimately it’s all about “you”.

  2. NICE MAN! Beat the shit out of that thing!

  3. Take a punch at it for me too….you go dude!! GO KICK SOME A$$

  4. I ate 5 ice cream sandwiches last night

    • LOL!! That’s not funny man, but it is. That sweet craving is ridiculous. I literally have lost 25lbs now. There were times when I felt as addicted to sweets as I was opiates. I NEVER felt that on Oxycontin or Lortab. It was a sickening feeling to me especially because I am in general a very active person. Just wait till I’m done and can show the before-after pics of me…I believe that, more than anything else, will show the truth of methadone.

  5. It is so weird you bring that up!! I am usually a sweet freak, no joke, packages of milk and oreos for diner–the whole package!!!
    Yesterday I went shopping and was in the bakery and had to force myself to buy (tiny) muffins, just to have something in my stomach in the morning, but I bought whole wheat bread and even english muffins!! I couldn’t get the regular junk, and I noticed it’s easier to choose a good meal when you give yourself actual options!!

    • I was talking to my wife last night, and my big thing was Oreo blizzards from Dairy Queen. WTF with the Oreo’s huh? I told her (wife) that if one was sitting in front of me now, I would more than likely puke. And nobody said anything to me during intake about that happening. Sweets, good grief-I’m glad that’s out of my system. I think I really felt that change right about 40mgs.

      • Oreos. Are. Bomb. hahah No one tells you anything at those clinics, like that eating and drinking normally will help your dose absorb–most addicts don’t eat much, and most definitely not healthy while first at the clinic, there should be better help with food…as I started writing that sentence I realized how many things there should be more help understanding about methadone, but either the counselors don’t know, or they just don’t care.

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