Letter Unsent

Earlier today I visited the web site of the company that owns the methadone clinic I go to. It was especially eye-opening to see the images of the smiling families they are projecting. It was even more astonishing when I considered all the pain wrought in my family by this company. Anyway, while I was browsing I noticed the names and email addresses of some of the top dogs. Before I knew it, I had my email account open, and I was writing one of them. While I was writing it I realized I couldn’t send it, but finished it anyway. I honestly fear their repercussions. It’s a fairly okay letter I think, so I decided to not waste it, and post it here.

Dear Sir,
My name is ____ . I am patient number ____at your ____, Florida clinic. I have been detoxing for some time now- without the help of your wonderfully detached counselors, and the doctor without a face. In fact, I’ve had a new counselor for seven weeks now, and still have not met her. For the last five weeks I have gone by my counselor’s office on my weekly pick-up, and she has yet to be there. One of those weeks I was really hurting, mentally and physically, and needed to talk to her. I did find my counselor’s supervisor and ended up speaking to her for about fifteen minutes. She was easy enough to talk to, but at that point I probably would have been fine talking to a tree. That’s a funny coincidence because as it turned out, I may as well have been- talking to a tree.

The next week I was notified via bulletin board that i needed to see that same supervisor for a urinalysis because my counselor who isn’t counseling was out once again. As I walked into her office I was smiling because I felt as though we were already acquainted. We had just spoken one week prior and she had even promised to get a question I had answered for me. Immediately though, I could tell she did not recognize me, and my smile quickly faded. I was very much saddened that the intimate details I shared with her weren’t enough for her to even remember my face.

Since she didn’t remember me or my question, I was wondering if you could answer it for me? I do understand the clinic doctor is busy signing prescriptions for powerful narcotics to patients he never sees, however, is it possible for him to see a patient who is detoxing? Please don’t try reminding me that I see him once a year at my physical either because that is horse shit. The doctor at the clinic now is not the same doctor that did my physical last year! In fact, I have been at the clinic for roughly six years, and there has never been the same doctor administering physicals from one year to the next. So I ask again. Is there any way for me- a patient that is detoxing- to see the doctor I have never met- but that writes my prescription for methadone?

While I have your attention, would you mind answering something else? Do you know what your clinic, and the drugs you push have done to me? No, of course you don’t, and neither does your clinic. The addiction I own, I own alone- I accept that. My addiction is my burden to bear. That still doesn’t diminish the fact that you lied, through your clinic. Just as sure as if you had personally whispered the words in my ear. The words professing that I would live a better, more complete life. You said my family would be happier. You said you cared about me. YOU LIED! What you are doing is no different than a drug pusher on the corner.

No matter how you sell it, literally, you both are addicts just as I am. The drug pusher on the corner deals to feed his addiction to drugs. You deal to feed your addiction to power and riches. You do this on the backs of sick, desperate people, and what you are doing is not helping; it is prolonging, and enabling of the worst kind. Have you no conscious? Have you no kids? If you do have children, and one was diagnosed with a terrible disease, would you feel okay about a doctor willing to treat the disease without wanting to meet your child? I think not.

You are participating in a masterful, well thought out plan. A cash cow indeed, of epic proportions. However, in all the planning there is something you all failed to consider- a pissed off recovering addict with a voice and will to unite the army you raised against you. Their families probably won’t be too happy either- I know mine won’t.

Sure to meet you soon,

_____

I very much long for the day when I can send this company a letter such as this. However, their drug still finds a home within me though so I must remain anonymous for now. I still feel as though people can be made aware, so if you haven’t, please pass this blog along to anyone you know. Thank you so much to those that already have, and those who have given me input/advice. It is most definitely appreciated.

ismelltherain

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