Wanting Change (off methadone)

It was one year ago, or thereabouts, that I knew I wanted to make a change. I knew I wanted off methadone. My family had struggled with money for so long that I knew some things for certain. If I did not clean up my act, my wife would eventually take the kids and leave. She would at some point meet another, and I would be on the sidelines, watching as a better man raised my family. It rocks me to the core of my being thinking of another laying with my wife, being a father to my kids. One day I will have the courage to ask my wife how close I pushed her to that point. Right now though, I am not ready to know. I also knew that my health would not hold as I was deteriorating at a much faster rate than when I was younger.

Opiates work as a depressant.  Pain pills cause many vital organs to work much slower than normal. When the functions of intestines are depressed, the result is horrendous constipation. My intestines were in terrible condition because of this.  Many times, having not shit for a week or more, I was forced to use a saline laxative. This liquid was commonly used by doctors to empty a patient’s bowels in preparation for a colonoscopy. What’s more, this horrible tasting laxative I had been using for years, was later recalled for the damage it caused to one’s kidneys. My kidneys have been damaged as evidenced by an ultrasound I had done a few years ago. Methadone has also been known to cause severe cravings for sweets .

I was literally compelled to eat things such as a quart of ice cream covered in caramel, m&m’s, crushed oreo’s, and topped with chocolate syrup and whipped cream.  The sugar began to eat holes in the lining of my stomach, causing ulcers and indigestion I can’t even describe. I gained roughly 70lbs, and would sweat profusely at the slightest exertion. I generally had to carry two or three shirts everywhere I went. It has been a very miserable existence. Fortunately, my weight is dropping, and I no longer sweat from a walk to the refrigerator for ice cream.

ismelltherain

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